Zaca's ramblings

[Zaca Vintaka]

Entry 1:

I'm not going to summarize all the things which happened since I joined Perfidious. Too many things I guess. So I'll just keep it short.

This place is a nest of snakes of all types and sizes. It's as hilarious as it is alarming. Also being raised with overly formal basic means I feel completely out of place. Yes, I've improved a lot but still, a lot of jokes, sayings, whatever the hells, slips past me.


And I'm continuously baffled with the sheer amount of words capable of or used to refer to sex, sexual acts or act as innuendo. Why one word can mean like four different things is something I'll never understand I think.

Oh well.

At least I'm cute as hell, look at me! Maybe I'll try to do the same with other powerbase members. Make a little game perhaps.

 

[Zaca Vintaka]

Entry 2:

As previously said, too many things have happened since the last entry. I am not much one to keep a journal in the first place, the better journal is the mind.

That aside, I have fought, I have built, I have earned, I have lost and I have gained. All of these are natural for one following the path to power, the Sith path.

There were three things which stood out more than others however. A wedding, a birthday and something for myself.

The first, well. I can hardly summarize the greatest union of power properly in words. May the happy couple, Lord Kholn and Lord Caldras, ever pull one another to greater heights. To call it magnificent would not come close to doing justice by it.

The second: I am not too inexperienced with Sith events. Yet till now it was never so obvious, so paralyzing to me. Lord Anairith's birthday also showed me that one needs to branch out their involvement as Sith. Naturally the ones I mainly saw were Sith or Imperial. However there were attendants who, I would assume, come from entirely different paths.

Most important of all though, I was finally accepted into the military domain and Prime Ragant took me as his Tyro. I suppose that is two things, though I will consider it one. He is amazing all the same, fitting one nearing Lordship. So, if I am the Tyro of an amazing Sith, that must mean I am a little bit amazing myself.


This entry is more serious in nature than the previous one and I am honestly not sure if I like it. There is this frown on my face as I type. Perhaps something to reconsider in the future. So I will just conclude with an Anairith, she's cute too, look at her. Not as cute as I am, but still.

 

[Zaca Vintaka]

Entry 3: Sensible matters.


I've been silent for too long in this journal and too many things have happened of various levels of significance to compile all of them.

So today is more like a rambling on senses. Any Sith worth anything has their senses sharpened to a degree. As the level of my senses seem to work in combination with my tentacles though, I'm leaning into that. It's simply a natural combination. It'll also help me understand others better, or rather, learn better how to deal with situations and how to read them.

After all, senses can deceive and be deceived. Even more so for when it comes to dealing with force users, or non force users trained to hide their feelings. Simple happiness can be because someone is having a good day or because someone's plan is going as desired. Anger can be cold and hot, hatred can be venomous or bitter. So when my senses touch upon those around it's effectively a game of 'what is this emotion actually' as well as 'why is this person feeling this emotion'.

As someone who struggles to read people, it isn't easy. But with time and practice and more lessons it'll get better, I'm sure of it.

Also, I've been haunted by this..abomination of a line of thought, so I will write it down and burn it. For my own safety and others'.

 

[Zaca Vintaka]

Entry 4: Precognition

Usage of the Force is visualization dependant, for me at least. Which is why I struggle so much with mental matters. Usage of the Force is akin to manipulating water. For enhancement techniques I need to adjust my body, so it's easier to imagine it as water or blood circulating through my body and reinforcing the purpose I want to enhance. So if my goal is to enhance speed, letting that flow of water speed up will cause my very being to speed up. The force of water can enhance my strength. Defending my mind is more akin to defending my body, or an extension of it, so drawing a veil of water over my mind, or an ocean, can absorb some mental attacks. For senses it's akin to floating on top of a body of water. If I'm in the center, completely still, I need only pay attention to those causing ripples. Sense wise it's actively reaching out, effectively extending the reach of the body of water. If there's something or someone not hiding themselves away, or of befitting impact, the ripples travel all the way.

Now let me ramble a bit about what it is really about today. It's precognition. So it's less actively probing and looking for those I'm unaware of. It's more akin to narrowing my eyes and looking at myself. Wrapping myself in water and extending that bubble as far as I can. If something nudges that bubble with enough force for it to warn me, I hopefully get to react. As my precognitive abilities have grown, that bubble is now beyond just myself and imminent danger. I can wrap similar bubble around others in an attempt to predict their movements before they happen, especially if it's hostile. This served me well on Vestus, though there were some moments where there were so many enemies and so many hostile actions taken at the same time, causing so many spikes of danger, I needed to pick what I would rather take damage wise. A cut of a vibroblade for example is far less of a problem than a rocket launched directly at me. It's also what I love so much about this ability. It's decision making. Split second.

It's also, alongside enhancement usage, quite intensive. Just because you're aware of something happening, does not mean you can always react in time with it. If I'm not fast enough on the reaction or if the power difference between myself and the situation or opponent is too much I'll still get overwhelmed. It's not a catch-all or a sure win, I don't know which term is better, by any means.

It's definitely something I'm pursuing. It'll be a long road but one worth following.

 

[Zaca Vintaka]

Unlike previous entries, this seemed to be a ball crumpled somewhere in the corner of Zaca's room.

Oh look at me, I'm Lead Operative Lang, I'm coming to check on how healthy you are after Lord Sendahl put herself in the medbay, my sarcastic quips totally aren't pushing the boundaries of disrespect because I like messing with Sith knowing fully well the Dark Lord protects me for some reason, my self preservation instinct when it comes to dealing with beings who could wipe me out easily if I piss them off is about as absent as my father has been throughout my life, hehehahahehehohoheheh. Well I wish she had put you in the medbay instead. Lead is the Operative word in this following sentence: I'm going to lead my boot so far up your a- that's not right. That's not right. That's not right. Calm. It's just the operative doing what he normally does- nevermind, I don't care, fuck you.

I thought writing things out would help but no, it's just confirming things again. It's just making me confront the fact that I'm not my normal self or not showing to be my normal self because of this disgusting mark the Patron has left on me. And the one person who I'd trust to come up with a solution somewhat soonish put herself in the medbay as I wrote earlier. It's just karked isn't it? It's just karked. So here I'm sat in my own room, writing and scribbling and I can feel, even in the silence in my room, that keeping my neutrality as normal is so damn hard.

I can't even leave easily because what if this thing somehow activates and I become a liability? More than I am right now, that is. There's like one silver lining, as people say, and that it keeps people the hell out of my head. I wonder if I can still use telepathy myself without influencing others. Like a one way type of communication. Might be just a tiny bit of something fun then.

All around this is a hell I wouldn't put on anyone else. The Patron really, really, really, really, really, really, reallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreally needs to die.

 

[Zaca Vintaka]

Entry 5: Insanity.

I can finally type my thoughts out again. Finally. After a crash landing which broke my datapad, no big loss, it took a few days before a very helpful Calian could help me with the damn thing. I need to get better at fixing my own tech.

That said...that said. THAT SAID. I'm the one with something stuck in my head remember? So WHY? WHY am I the only one behaving like an actual being? There's greed and then there is whatever the hell whomever the hell was doing. Stealing from the supplies!? BEFORE A JOURNEY OF A WEEK THROUGH THE COLD!? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR DAMN MIND?

I don't know who it was. But believe me, you won't be happy if I find out it was you, whomever you are. Lord Nar might torture you for it and you'd deserve every painful moment of it. Oh no, if I get the chance I'm just going to directly kill you. Maybe after all this is done I'll be in more of a rational state of mind and I'll just fall back to torture too.

Then there was this siege of ours. We caught them off guard, great. Great great great. What I wasn't expecting was for there to be a walker amidst all of the chaos and no one mentioned ANYTHING of a walker. So of course the damned coward, vermin, absolute rat, piece of filth, opens fire on me. And because of a CERTAIN SOMEONE looking I couldn't even turn around to avoid it, which would be the OBJECTIVELY better way of dealing it to avoid injuries, but oh no, I can't go make myself look like a coward. And to the pilot? I hope you rot in that little metal toolbox you considered safe. Your kind disgusts me. I hope you felt only dread and despair as you saw a saber pierce the ceiling. You deserved so much worse than you got.

Different topic, similar subject. It's the same siege after all. Before I jumped up to try to deal with the damn tin can? A certain Lord was fighting someone, on what seemed to be even ground. 'Oh let me solo him' who are you, the fucking main character in some shitty holoseries? The protagonist in a video game? Maybe Sith do have overblown egos. Maybe, who knows. It's not like the power of a Lord could be better used more ahead, and thus freeing up a Lord's involvement is even better to take care of the situation more quickly.

So how come it wasn't ONCE but TWICE that I got fussed at by Lords!? Lord Zazriel? Lord Assriel, more like, what in the absolute hells was that? Some warped sense of honour, some warped sense of pride, oh look at how strong I am haha? You know what, fine. I'm not helping you at all. For all I care you can go die next time. And whenever you do ask for help I'll simply shrug and force push you against the wall.

And then I'm the one being called rigid? Angry? Is part of becoming a Sith Lord completely abandoning any sense of rational decision making? The trial of the braincells, where you have to give up about half and thus end up with only one remaining, split between the two Sith Lords in that siege? RIDICULOUS.

I think I'm losing my mind. I'm going to start screaming if this goes on for too much longer.