Past in flames

[Zaca Vintaka]

Emotions ran over her in ways she hadn't experienced till then, dragging her into a whirlpool of undesired feelings. Her stomach rumbled, causing her to look over at the plate of food next to her which she had left untouched. Despite her body urging her to, she couldn't touch it, let alone eat it, with the previous night fresh in mind.

Where had this all even started? Her mind swept her into her memories, trying to pinpoint precisely where things had changed. Where she had lost the easy smiles and encouragement, the joy and praise of her surroundings whenever she excelled. Slowly she noticed it hadn't been a singular point. It had been a gradual decline as she grew older, or actually it had less to do with her aging.

At young age, she had been mediocre. Standing out neither positively or negatively, she was simply average. That said, she remembered that that shifted when she started growing into her force sensitivity. At that time she didn't know what it was, even if she knew something was changing. If she was swimming against others and really wanted to win, she'd win. If there was a bit of a scuffle between kids, she'd often be the stronger kid, even against the boys. If she got angry during a fight with her parents, things broke. Those were the most occurring instances of her force sensitivity showing itself, through emotions spiking. At a later point, on her birthday, for just some time, her experiencing the world seemed to sharpen. The cake was just a bit more sour than she had expected, than she had wanted it to be. Her drink was just a bit sweeter than it had ever been. Both her parents had been surprised at her reaction, saying it was the same as always.

A nauseating, slithering feeling nestled into her stomach, then coiled around her hearts. She hadn't taken to the isolation well, she knew that much. As she'd grown older, her place within her group had shifted. No longer middle of the group, instead standing out in most things physical. And when it came to the social side, she wasn't oblivious to the whispered words where words were used. With senses that seemed to be sharper than her peers and even the adults, she'd started taking notice of things others hadn't. The growing distaste of the ones around her, the label of 'freak' which she seemingly couldn't escape. The looming feeling of not belonging, not even with her parents, the frustrations from both sides causing arguments more and more often. She was different and they just couldn't handle her.

She shifted, burying her head in the palms of her hands and feeling the tears falling from her eyes drop onto her hands as she sobbed, the tears feeling more akin to acid than anything. The isolation had caused fear and distrust. She had done her homework, leading to the fearsome thought of being caught in the war between Republic and Empire, Jedi and Sith, if her force sensitivity became known. Surely that won't happen, she had said to herself. Jedi and Sith are basically creatures of myth. The chances of them actually entering her life in any form were close to zero.

Yet here she was, having woken up on a shuttle after a rest which had been far too deep. The woman who had spoken to her after she woke up, as well as having brought food, seemed friendly enough. The moment she mentioned Zaca going to become a Jedi though, all other words were blurred out.

After an eternity there were no more tears to be shed. She missed the water so much it felt like her hearts were about to snap, her breathing rapid and panicked till she took a series of deep breaths. Her newfound calm was shattered though as the shuttle rocked back and forth, sending her flying from her seat and into the side of the cabin. What appeared to be an alarm started ringing its awful shrieking noise, a set of lights turning red. Immobilizing dread returned, flooding her veins alongside her now pounding headache as she realized that the ship was under attack. There was nowhere to go.

 

[Zaca Vintaka]

What was there to do? Zaca knew she should run, flee or fight. This was her life on the line and precisely that, alongside the knowledge that she had no means to protect her life, was pinning her on the spot. She had never piloted a shuttle, she didn't even know the general layout of a shuttle, let alone this one. She had no experience, no weapon, no tools, against attackers which she presumed had experience Leaving her cabin could mean she'd walk right into the attackers. This could be her end, or worse.

Something was slowly wrapping around her hearts. Something subtle, smooth and bitter, sliding underneath her skin. It wasn't as motivating as anger, yet it was invigorating in a different way. This emotion she didn't understand, yet she knew what caused it. Understanding caused it. Not only had her kind rejected her, she had also been abandoned. Thrown away because of fear. Because she didn't fit in. Because she was different, because they didn't know how to handle her. Not only had they thrown her away, they had pushed her into a war. They would rather have her die somewhere out of their sight than have to deal with her themselves.

Before she could ponder more on her feelings though, the situation changed. For a moment she didn't know what happened, only to notice several things at once. The ship had become heavier in a way, as if there was suddenly an increased presence on the ship. As realization of them having been boarded hit her, there was a sound outside, underneath the wailing of the alarm. The drawing closer of something, only for the baffling thought of 'someone is wearing heels' to confuse her, as the click-clacking became more audible.

Zaca stared in horror as the door to her cabin slid open, the sound of heels soon enough entering her cabin. She was staring at a human woman who seemed to be dressed more for a gala than anything. A black dress which swept over the floor. What seemed to be a set of golden cuffs on her arms, gloves covering her fingers. An odd piece of metal linked to her sash. Everything seemed subtle and smooth, till Zaca got a look at the face of this intruder. What she saw was a patchwork of long scars, carving away what had seemingly been a set of relatively gentle features at some point. Her nose wasn't quite right either, seemingly having been broken and broken again. And upon noticing Zaca, as if she hadn't already known where she was, her face seemed to split open with a grin that would make a vine cat proud.

"Oh hello, you." The words were soft as silk, the tone a singsong, yet somehow Zaca understood clearly over the screeching of the alarm. This person was completely out of their mind. Was it her conducting this attack?
In a dress, on heels?

 

[Zaca Vintaka]

"Please don't ki-" Zaca's words trailed off, her hands in front of her eyes. Through the little slits between her fingers she could see that this new person had already turned away.

Only one word was said to her. "Stay." As if she were a pet. Someone who would get hopelessly lost otherwise. Not that the soft word had any mocking to them, it was just Zaca's mind filling in the blanks. The fear she felt was fighting against sparked indignation, as well as her mind screaming at her not to be stupid.

"Kay, a mask, please." Confusion was followed by a gasp as she saw a bony hand slip from the shadows, handing over the requested object. It wasn't just one attacker, there was a second. A second individual who she hadn't even noticed, someone who she knew must be there but even with the flashing lights of the alarm, couldn't properly make out from the darkness.

"No, that's the wrong mask."
"Wrong mask?" The individual in the shadows spoke, their voice as sandpaper sending shivers over Zaca's body.
"Yes, it's the wrong mask. It can't be Love. Jedi are loveless."
"Which one?"
"Hmm. Good question. I think I'll be Death today. Fitting, no?"
"Again?"
"Oh, don't be so melodramatic. Just give me the mask."

Zaca just stared at the woman as she simply turned. Then the singing started. Low reverberating notes in a language she couldn't understand. While she had no clue what the words meant, the grim nature was clearly meant to remember the dead. This funeral dirge rang through the ship, somehow drowning out the sound of the alarm as if the screeching was drawn into a void. Zaca could feel her head spinning. None of this made sense. Being Love? Being Death? It sounded like the ramblings of a madwoman to her.


With no means of keeping time as it passed, Zaca found herself lost in thoughts again. Wondering what to do, wondering how to do anything, dreading what would happen. Time stretched on and on and on, feeling so extended that she could feel panic bubble back up again with the confusion having left. At least till she could hear the clacking of heels.

"Death doesn't need help, you big oaf. Death is inevitable. Inescapable." Unlike previously, the female voice seemed annoyed, every word spoken as if through gritted teeth.
"Right."
"So precisely why did you feel the need to involve yourself, huh? You have no sense of theatrics, of arts, of humor. About as much sense as that Jedi had."
"Because time."

Zaca stared at the entrance to the cabin as the clacking came closer. A squeak slipped from her lips when the first thing that came through the cabin was some stretched out object that she didn't notice. Not because the object was scary, but because it was floating. Sure, she had thrown things around in a fit or emotional high, but she hadn't made things float in a controlled manner. It was as curious as it was unfamiliar and thus frightening.

Only when the clacking entered the cabin did the object fall to the ground, allowing Zaca to take a proper look at the object. She could feel her hearts skip several beats, her stomach contents lurching up as she realized it wasn't a thing, it was a person. Or had been a person.

It didn't matter that it had been a clean kill. That Jedi she had briefly interacted with was now dead, eyes wide in shock, face twisted in pain. And moments later Zaca threw the previous night's dinner up, right next to the corpse.

 

[Zaca Vintaka]

Her mind was a chaotic mess. The rational part of her told her that if they hadn't harmed her so far, they wouldn't harm her at this point. The fact that there was a motionless body right in front of her eyes contradicted that idea. She wanted nothing more than being out, getting away from this situation, yet her mind was paralysed while her body rid itself of her stomach's contents.

"Go see if you can shut that alarm down, would you? I can feel a headache coming up." The female voice spoke up over Zaca's retching, breaking the silence between the two attackers.
"The mask." Was the response after a few moments.
"Oh, right. Good thing one of us got it."

Zaca was left dry heaving and attempting to steady herself, only seeing a glimpse of what seemed to be a crimson mask, with a, from her angle, single white tusk. With a soft click it was removed and handed over to the man who only gave a rough 'Moving' before departing from the room.

"Right! Mask is off, Jedi is dead. You look like a mess, so let's clean you up a bit." The woman rifled through her belt and found a handkerchief, reaching for Zaca's face to raise her head a bit and almost gently clean the Nautolan up.
Zaca in turn couldn't find more than a single word. "..Why?"
"Why what? The mask is somewhat ceremonial. I'm cleaning you up because no girl or lady should look the way you do. Or feel the way you look." A pause and an addition, the Jedi a mere afterthought. "Oh, the Jedi thing? A simple case of insurmountable ideological difference." With a few more touches of the handkerchief, the woman pulled away.

"Oh, where are my manners? The least I can do is introduce myself. You can call me Isu. The big oaf that went to turn off that alarm you can call Kay. It isn't his actual name. I think."
"I'm-"
"No, stop, wait wait wait." Isu gave a sweet smile, holding up her hand. Despite the words spoken, her tone was gentle all the same. "I don't care. We won't be connected for long enough for me to care. So keep your name to yourself. I do want to give you an opportunity though, to tell your story. Where you're going, no one is going to care. No one is going to ask. So if you want to let it out, now is your chance."

Confused and bewildered, Zaca took a moment to settle herself, closing her eyes. When the alarm went out moments later, there was finally a bit of quiet, being able to pull herself away from the horrid fact that a body was right there. Her parents hadn't listened, her teachers hadn't listened, no one had cared to ask her how she felt. Her story was already burning a hole into her stomach and the idea of having to go for another unknown period of time, long or short, without being able to tell anyone, was suffocating.

Once she started, from the beginning, she couldn't stop. Words were tumbling from her lips as she rattled through everything her life had been so far. The estrangement, being different than others, being stronger and faster than others, having no friends or true peers, the wild explosions of emotion and the cake. The situation with her parents. The poisoning and where they were now. By the end of it she had her hands balled into fists, anger seeping into her words. She hadn't realized she was basically yelling. There was a satisfaction to finally acknowledging it, being heard and speaking her short story aloud. Moments after she had concluded though, a wave of emotion hit her.

It took her a few seconds to realize that it was loathing from Isu, loathing that she too felt surging through her body now. So toxic it left her reeling, body and mind unaccustomed to the powerful emotion of the Sith.

"This, this is precisely the problem of vermin putting power into the world. They don't understand potential, so they're afraid of it. They can't properly raise someone different than themselves. You said it already yourself, they simply do not experience life the way we do. They're experiencing a shred, a tiny sliver, a small fraction of what it is to be alive. Their anger pales in comparison to ours. Their hatred is but a snowflake to our avalanche. Their love is a drop of water in comparison to the ocean that we experience. They don't feel, taste, understand or know life or living. So they look at power, at individuals threatening to become stronger than they are and they conspire and scheme against it. Every. Single. One. Some of them are useful but mostly they're just gnats. Flies buzzing around the heads of the ones meant to rule the galaxy. Imagine what you could have been had you been born into a proper family instead of that mess. You would've been glorious. But you'll be okay now. You can join your actual family and become strong."

The loathing rushing through Zaca, a mirror of the rambling Sith, pinned her in the spot. The revulsion over her own state, her mind barely keeping track of everything that was going on, the body still right there. The raving madwoman who now stepped up and actually wrapped her slender arms around her. And despite being a killer and clearly out of her mind, there was something comforting in both her tangent and the hug. She couldn't remember the last time someone related to her, let alone got furious for her.

"Why?" So caught up in it all, Zaca had also not noticed Kay returning.
"Why what?" Then the hug was gone, the comforting warmth lingering nowhere near as long as she wanted. With Isu breaking away and having cut her rambling, the loathing slowly vanished.
"Be kind." The tone was somewhat accusatory.
"I'm not being kind. I'm being realistic. The poor thing has nowhere to go. So now she's coming with us and going to Korriban. Where she'll grow up and become strong. And yes, I plan on teaching her some more before we get back home. Let's not pretend that a day or two of teachings and knowledge is going to lessen the disadvantage, or years of advantage those born into Sith families have."

"Korriban? She'll be like a fish out of water." With a raspy laugh, this Kay evidently thought himself hilarious. It took a moment for Zaca to understand he was calling her a fish. The first time he spoke more than two words so far and it was used to make a joke at her expense. Her response slipped out before she thought to stay her tongue.
"Oh yes, how very original, calling a Nautolan a fish. Isu is right, you don't have a sense of humor. Grow up."

Both Sith looked at the till now meek girl, clearly somewhat surprised by the outburst. A moment later, a sound Zaca would remember forever went through the room. A delighted sound of surprise, uncontrolled joy and amusement, laughter which was golden and precious, showing that underneath it all tiny pieces of enjoyment could still be found and cherished. Kay's response in turn, appearing near her with inhuman speed and backhanding her across the face, caused her to see stars before once more banging into the metal behind her.

"It seems there's a temper underneath. You're going to have to get control of the wanting to immediately respond. Now, come along. Time to go home." Isu extended a hand, which Zaca shakily accepted. She was all too glad to leave the wreck of a ship and its dead occupant behind.

After days of travel and teaching, Zaca set foot onto Korriban. Stepping into Acolyte life with her resolve steeled.