Markus
Member
This is Markus' journal and NOT available for IC reading unless discussed prior.
Part I - Colours
Prime Blokk methods are... peculiar. I arrived on Tobrade with her not knowing what I would get myself into. I expected her to sit me down and force me to meditate for a few hours... Couldn't have been further from reality if I tried. No armour, no weapon... thrown into the swamp.Part I - Colours
The smell hit first, as I was falling. Made my body recoil and I almost threw up on the spot... then I landed and the cold, viscous feeling made everything worse. I didn't even have time to throw up before she hit me. Then again... then again... taunting me as she did. I tried climbing back up just to be pushed back down, my hands still have cuts and callouses from the jagged rocks alone.
Then the beasts came... I froze. I thought. Even in that situation, I thought... but no feasible way out came to mind. I was confident I would not make it. But then the first bite came, a chunk of my left calf gone. That's when I knew I would make it - something clicked as the adrenaline rushed. I had to make it. My body warmed back up instantly. I honestly do not remember much after the first bite. Just flashing images of the beasts lunging at me. Then the final image of me standing over their corpses. There were 9 of them. Yet I stood. Bloodied, bruised, broken. But I stood nonetheless.
All I remember after is waking up in the medical bay. I tried moving and my body screamed at me in protest. I just had to lay there. I think the first visit was Incipient Venesya... or was it Sith Dyze... one of them, in either case. The lesson did not register to me at first... I was too busy trying not to pass out in the medical bed. Or get killed by Sith Dyze and her 'lesson' in telepathy...
It took a few days for me to realise everything... how muted life was before. How thinking for so long made existence dull. It was as if I lived this whole time in shades of gray, and now I can finally see the colour in life. Even something mundane like a cup of caffa feels more... exhilarating - the taste is stronger, the subtle aromas are more noticeable.
I've finally learned emotion. How intricate it can be. I never knew there are so many variations of hatred or happiness. To me, they all felt the same... emotions were roadblocks in the path of a clear and rational mind. Now I realise they are not roadblocks, they are propellers. Thoughts will not always win, emotions will not always win... but now I have both. I feel anew. I feel unstoppable now. Mind and heart finally in sync.
There is still much to learn... a whole new palette to discover. So many ways of hating, loving, suffering to explore... all with different shades and aromas to them. I've had a taste and now I hunger... Prime Blokk said a beast awoke in me... maybe she was right.
She said survival is the most important, but I do not want to only survive. I want to thrive, I will thrive, enjoying all the new emotions as I go. And blowing past anything or anyone that denies me a taste.