Letters Home

[Alark]

Alark sat at his desk, he took up a large stack of papers from the dark metal desk. Most of them had already been written on, but he took a fresh one. He had time before going to the shuttle to go out yet again with Lead Operative Lang for the long mission.

The chair screeched against the floor loudly as he pulled it further towards the desk and he began writing in the dark room in silence.

My Snowflake,

I got accepted by the Dark Lord, I don't know what I was expecting but I'm happy I was.

The members here are unlike the rest of the Empire, they have their own strengths and struggles like everyone else, but here you have a chance to grow as long as you put in the time and effort. Blood and tears.
Unlike the Ascendancy and the rest of the Empire where your race and House matters more.

I think you would have liked many of them here, they have so many things to teach and tell about. One of them especially reminds me of you, I wish to see her succeed as a way to remedy myself for failing you. As she was failed by hers.

I've gotten really good at sniping with the help of my new team, it seems I think too much, can you believe that?
I have started to owe them more and more, they teach me and all I give back is failure and questions. Is that new?
But I will pay back what I owe them all with determination and improvement.

This will be all for now, I am on my way to Nar Shaadaa as we're looking into something. Perhaps we will see eachother out there?

Please be out there

The Chiss sat there in silence as he looked over the letter, having added the last tiny line without thinking, then he looked over all the other letters he had written over the years. Always starting with the same, and ending with the same tiny line.

He would continue to write them he thought to himself, putting the letter back into the stack of papers with a shaking hand and then into the desk. Locking it tightly, like he did with himself.

 

[Alark]

The Chiss woke up after having passed out immediately as he got into the room the previous night.
He had a very large bottle of water on the table next to his bed that he brought over to the desk, setting it down with a loud clank while he unlocked the drawer with the letters and took up the pile.

He had a smile on his lips today, almost excited to begin writing. His handwriting was slightly more uneven due to the heatstroke but he wanted to write it down while it was fresh in his mind.

My Snowflake,

I succeeded on my first mission yesterday! I suffered a mild heatstroke so apologies for the uneven handwriting.

We took a small team into a Factory to steal something very heavy, everyone worked together really well. Although I believe my Superior Officer was simply watching a TV show on her datapad during it. But she works very hard to help everyone normally, so she deserved a break.
I also got to control a large crane to take down a wall, I have not felt that excited in years.

I got to use my slicer skills again, just like back when we sliced our way into the milkshake bar during the night to make a few milkshakes. It seems a Csilla milkshake bar has about the same amount of security as Huttese factory terminals. Not surprising.

We are heading up to stay on a Dreadnought ship for a while, so I don't know if I'll be able to write for a while since I can't bring these papers up there, so expect the next letter to be extra long if I survive. During our escape from the Factory I was sure I saw you. But it couldn't have been you could it. Must have been the heartstroke...

Please be out there

Alark began reading over the letter, the warm smile stayed on his lips until the very last part. The smile vanished and was traded for his usual cold frown.
He couldn't start having hope, he hadn't deserved it.

The drawer opened and he put the letters gently into it again, this time leaving it unlocked for just a little longer.

 

[Alark]

Alark sat down at a desk in the SOG office all by himself, just having returned from the cantina with a bowl of soup the short conversation with Naencie had shaken him, the tightness in his chest wasn't just from the deadly manflu he had gotten.
He looked over at a small stack of flimsi papers and reached over to take a few of them along with a writing tool, beginning to write down slowly and always making sure he was alone.

My Snowflake,

I'm currently ill and trying to stay away from others as much as I can.

It's been a while since I wrote and now I'm writing on this weird parchment they call flimsi, but I felt I needed to get a lot of things off my chest.
I apologise that I yet again use you as an outlet for that.

There's been quite a few missions since I last wrote, most have went well, it has given me more confidence in not only myself but also the Powerbase and this was the right move to make.

Until tonight, when I learned not only is the previous Director's murderer still alive, she's still part of the Powerbase with a title.
It has shaken me more than I thought because that shows how little we SOG might actually mean to this place.
Are we even less than assets but closer to beasts to be put down at any point? The person who takes us out even rewarded?
It makes me more careful who I should trust.

In better news, my orphanage on Yankun has finally been approved fully, The Grove it'll be called.
If you hear of it or my name please come and visit, I'll give you a tour.
I also put you in my will with the help of one of the Lord's Majordomo, so if you're out there atleast seek me out for that...

On your side, now and forever.

Please be out there

The Chiss read over the letter, his chest felt a little less heavy but another sacrifice had been made... His soup had gone cold in the meantime. He stood up slowly with the support of the table and made it back towards the kitchen. Pocketing the letter to hide it somewhere in his belongings later.

 

[Alark]

Alark got out of the bed with a groan, the kolto patches from the mission the day before having helped atleast, but he was still aching.
His red eyes turned to look towards his desk, it had been so long since he last wrote. The Chiss forced himself out of the comfort on the bed to sit on the chair at his desk, taking a flimsi out and breathing out deeply before writing...

My Snowflake,

Where to even begin, I'm sorry for taking so long to write.
I got a new role, they made me Force Specialist of the group I'm in, you would have died laughing hearing this wouldn't you. I can't remember your laughter

I've had a lot of help though learning, especially from all the Lords. Even though I must be like a child to them with my knowledge they take it very serious, it's refreshing that they are so willing to give out of their knowledge as long as you truly wish to learn. I owe them a lot.

I joined my first meeting too of the Powerbase, it was... something. One of the Sith said something odd and was forced to lay on the floor for most of the meeting. I think you would like this Sith, he is sometimes very simple thinking, but that's because I think what's missing up in his brain, all went down to his big heart.

This is where I'll end for today, I need to prepare for the lesson with my Lead Operative today, I'll try to write more often again. I hope things are good for you out there.

I don't remember your face

Alark's right eye twitched once as he looked over the letter. "Ktah..." he muttered to himself as he put a hand against the twitching eye. He just sat there staring at the letter through one eye, his body shaking for a moment before a loud knock on the metal door got him back to reality. The Chiss ran an arm across his eyes before standing back up, he still had something to do.

 

[Alark]

The Chiss trudged through his room on the Tyrant, trying to get his mind off the burning from the now large blisters from his infection, he had gotten anti-itch cream but it hadn't removed the burns underneath.
His eyes moved to the flimsi on his small metal desk, it had been a while hadn't it?

He sat down and took one and began writing, a more somber look to him than usual.

My Snowflake,

It’s been a while again since I wrote, but my confidence has been very low recently so I wanted to write. Some good news first since I remember you always wanted good news first so you had “more happiness to resist the bad”.

I've started a working place with my slowly growing wealth, the workers there doesn't earn too many credits but I let them have two meals a day, and they are always welcome to bring their family.
There's always a good mood to the place, I try to go and eat there during the evening as often I can, telling everyone about the Govenor and what she is doing to help them.
The hospitals she's building, the hope she gives me and the warmth I feel when I see her… a warmth I have not felt since you were there, but also.. slightly different, it’s complicated. Feelings always are aren't they?
Perhaps one day I shall invite her to eat there with me.

One of the Sith also taught me about illusions just yesterday, I even learned you are able to make things called Dreamscapes. It took me back to our time together, you always loved imagining things and draw them down. What you couldn't make with a power like that. I still have all your drawings...

I hope you gained enough happiness from that. Recently I have been failing the Powerbase over and over, missing sellers of goods that would harm us, walking into traps that split the group and try to protect someone only to be dragged away and almost die.
I have an Operation I'm leading this week, I've decided if I fail I will most likely ask for a transfer to a different Powerbase, this Powerbase deserves only the best and at the moment I clearly am not.

I asked my Special Operative how it would work, but she hasn't answered. So I'm unsure if she's looking into it or have a rifle aimed at me from afar... that was a joke. Maybe.
I also told the Sith I respect the most about this so they could prepare things if it was to happen, but it appears I am not... allowed to leave in their words. So either I will have to leave in secret or stay in shame.

We shall see what happens, I just wanted to tell you what's going on. I'm still using your name during undercover missions, so if you hear it that means I was there.

Please be out there

Alark absentmindedly scratched at his side after reading over the letter, wincing as yet again he managed to burst one of the blisters. The letter was much longer than usual, he had more and more to tell. Was that good or bad? He didn't know but he did know he needed to go to the medbay yet again for something to clean the new wound from the infection.

 

[Alark]

The bag closed with a loud thud as the Chiss stepped back from the bed it was on, running an arm across his forehead he nodded to himself. Everything seemed ready for the scanning mission, he sat down in the cold steel chair for a break, but not long after his eyes turned to look towards the flimsi papers.
Perhaps getting rid of some of the burdens on his heart would help for the upcoming missions too, he gently grabbed a pen and began writing.

My Snowflake,

I feel lately I have begun regressing to my old self, the one before your warmth.

Some days ago during a spar between two Sith I questioned a Lord for no reason, a Lord that I have great respect for. It was my old self that always thought he knew better that came out, the one who always questioned authority because I was sure I was better.
It scared me after, I wrote an apology to them after but clearly damage had been done. I will do my best to mend this bridge again as it is one I will have to use many times, and gladly will do so.

Another one, the one I at this point am sure is the entire reason I work as hard as I do for the Powerbase have been ignoring my Comm Messages. Perhaps I am simply still not doing enough, so I will work even harder.
My worth to the Sith is afterall how much I can do for them and the Powerbase.

I always try to add some good news, but it seems this time I have none to share with you. Perhaps next time.

I miss you.

I'm good enough right?

Alark read over what he had written as always, his gaze would make Hoth seem like a tropical island. He opened the metal drawer and put the letter on top of the other ones, closing the drawer with a deep sigh and locked it.
He stood up, his shoulders and heart was even heavier than before. But he just had to get stronger, right?